Not sure if I can help with the anxieties. I have had the knots in my stomach too, and feeling nauseous because of it. I try to take deep breaths and picture happy memories I have of Aaron. It can often make me feel a little better, and at least take away from the darkness of remembering the day he died.
I’m not sure what would work best for your daughter’s birthday. My son is a little older, so when his birthday rolls around, it will be just about him. And we’ve already had my husbands birthday about 7 weeks after he died. So I tried to mark that occasion with my son, by going to the river, lighting some tea light candles and floating them in the water. It felt like a nice thing to do, and I think I’ll try do something commemorative each year on his birthday. I guess as Alexis is so young, you could do whatever you think would make you feel he is with you? whether that’s the photos running on the day or a gift you think he would have picked for her, or something meaningful to you. It will be a great day and also such a hard one x
I’m doing ok. Pretty tired, but my son in the last month has taken to waking once or twice a night and then I have to be in his bed for a bit, or him in mine and I don’t sleep much that way. He’s always slept well, so I wonder if it’s him processing what is happening as there are lots of questions about his daddy and where he’s gone, will he be back etc. So hard for us to understand, I can’t imagine it in a 3yr olds brain.