My heart goes out to you. My husband died 6 weeks ago suddenly while he was on holiday. He was 50. I’m still sat waiting for the front door to open and its heartbreaking. I cannot imagine having to deal with the total devastation you are feeling and having to look after children as well. I can just about look after myself and sometimes can’t be bothered with that either. Like its just not worth the effort because who cares?
I also couldn’t bear making all those practical arrangements at a time when I was least able to do so. I think it is so unfair that at the lowest point in your life, when your heart has been ripped out of your body, you are supposed to be able to make decisions. But you are strong and capable and you will surprise yourself at times at how brave you can be when you need to be.
Surround yourself with the people who love you and ask nothing of you. I can’t yet tell you that it gets easier because I’m not at that point but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and hope that you find some moments when you can remember your lovely husband with a smile. My children who all live nearby have carried me through these last few weeks, talking about Stew and laughing and reminiscing. It’s so important and I hope your children will help you to smile too.