Thankyou for your message Jane. I’m so sorry to hear you lost your husband whilst he way away. I’m glad you have your children close by to get you through this. You need people around you. I’ve found that, even though sometimes I want to lock myself away. I hope that someday your pain will ease. You mentioned that you still wait for him to come through the door. I find myself walking into the lounge to ask him a question. If I watch tv sometimes I go to comment on something to see what he thinks. It breaks my heart and I feel lonely even though I have the children in the house.
My 6 year old son still won’t acknowledge what’s happened. He ran over to me on Sunday and buried his head. I asked him if he was ok. He said ‘no’. I then asked him if he wanted to talk about what was upsetting him but he said he didn’t want to talk and ran off.
I decided today me and the kids need something to focus on so we went to the garden centre and bought lots of seeds and compost. I don’t feel up to doing it but trying to occupy all our minds. Buster, my husband, was a keen gardener and loved growing dahlias which were his favourite flowers. I’ve bought plenty of dahlia seeds so will try and make the garden look as nice as he did. He tried to teach me but I’m not sure how much I took in.