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Topic: Confused
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Janet Turner
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Confused
I have used this site over the years and it has always been such a help.
I am so at a loss as to what to do and where to go. I have so much going on in my life but it all revolves around work and bills and kids. My kids are not little the youngest is 19 up to 27. The eldset doesn't live at home but the others so. My problem us that I am struggling to live and pay bills as well as be able to do what I want. the kids help and pay something towards things but it really isn't enough.
I feel I want to live on my own now but don't want th kids to feel as though I'm pushing them out.
My house is far to big for me so would have to buy a smaller place....just don't know what to do.
I scared and lonely and just need to be able to be me or at least find me.
I'm at 27 months in this journey not that it makes any diffenece.
HELP!!!! Please
Posted on 07/02/2010 at 18:57 |
Kim
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Re: Confused
Hello Janet, I felt I had to reply, although I'm not sure what advice if any I can give you. As I'm pretty much doing what you are - working, paying the bills and looking after the children. They are still relatively young and so they will be with me for many years to come. One has special needs, so I do not know how his life will pan out. Quite frankly I cannot think too far into the future as it scares me. My lovely husband was a tour de force in all aspects of his life and was my rock. I do my best but find things quite tough. As your children are adults do you feel strong enough to sit them down and talk to them openly and honestly about how you are feeling and what options are open to all of you as a family in order to be able to move on and to afford you some space and to ease your situation financially. l do hope so. Your children may think you want them to stay with you because of what's happened when perhaps they may be ready to move on also. Wishing you all the best. Kim x
Posted on 07/02/2010 at 19:37 |
sue ab
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Re: Confused
Dear Janet,
I have kids of a similar age to yours, 23 and 26 but they are no longer at home. I often wish they were, but then there's no pleasing us widders!
I often find that we talk more and better when not on home ground. If yours are the same it might be worth organising a meal out, cheap pizza or whatever and a some wine and see if you could all talk things over. Bring them in as advisors rather than asking them to leave home.
Just tell them you're wondering about downsizing in the future and what do they think and they might open up a bit about their own plans and feelings.
Can they actually afford to move out? Mine are both renting places but I've lost count of the number of times I'v e had to sub one or the other of them whenthe rent was due.
Let us know how you get on.
Good luck,
Sue x
Posted on 07/02/2010 at 20:35 |
Fiona D
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Re: Confused
Hi Janet
I think you have some good advice here, and that communication with your kids would be good.
Is it possible for you to downsize and still have space for them?
You may have come up with your own solution here, downsizing would be bound to help reduce the bills...and give you some spare cash to spend on yourself....
I hope you come up with something x
Fiona x
PS do you go out socially with the family? Get them to go somewhere YOU want to go!
Posted on 07/02/2010 at 23:05 |
Sally B
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Re: Confused
Hi Janet,
So sorry you are feeling like this. In a similar dilemma myself about moving to Lincoln for various reasons. I was going to post to you anyway as I e-mailed Kate for you e-mail address but did not get an answer, so there must have been a problem. If you want to ask for mine please do, as we are both Lincolsnire folk and perhaps I can offer some support that way. I also have times of feeling scared and lonely, even though I have the advantage of having lived on my own before, not having someone to share your worries with is so hard.
Love and a hug
Sally
Posted on 08/02/2010 at 12:43 |
flo
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Re: Confused
Janet,
We are told not to make any big decisions that might be regretted in the long run, but that is true in any walk of life. If you have thought long and hard and done the sums it may be the thing you need to do.
You may be surpised by your children's reaction. They may want something better for you and be mature enough to pitch ideas and support you in making changes.
It is obviously a mammouth thing but you should test the water with your childrenand see what they have to say.
Posted on 08/02/2010 at 23:01 |
flo
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Re: Confused
mammoth even.
Love
Flo
Posted on 08/02/2010 at 23:09 |
