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Topic: I feel my future has been destroyed
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Anon
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I feel my future has been destroyed
My name is Carolyn and I lost my partner of 6 years 10 weeks ago. He died very suddenly in a car crash and was 31 years old. Our baby girl was 4 weeks old when it happened. She is now 3 months old and I don't know how i have got through the last 10 weeks. I also moved two weeks after he died as the move was already planned. We were going to get married next year and we were so happy as new parents. I am still very numb and my beautiful baby girl is the only thing that keeps me strong. I feel so angry that both our futures have been robbed from us. Im so sad my baby will grow up without a father and people will judge me as a single mum. Im so jealous of seeing families together or listening to other new mums moan about there partners i just want to scream! why is life so cruel?
Posted on 17/10/2011 at 11:02 |
Anon
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Re: I feel my future has been destroyed
Dear Carolyn
I've just posted a reply but inadvertently did it as a new message, but hope you see it.
Love
xx
Posted on 17/10/2011 at 11:41 |
Ruth
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Re: I feel my future has been destroyed
Carolyn, I'm so sorry you have found yourself in this awful situation. I hope you have some good support to help you just get through the days with that lovely little baby of yours.
You're right, it's just not fair and seeing other families is hard. My children are older but I still feel very jealous when I get together with extended family and all the families and couples are in tact.
Keep posting here, you will always find support and love from people who really understand. The best advice I've been given is to only take baby steps and try not to look to the future. Just take each day as it comes.
love Ruth xxx
Posted on 17/10/2011 at 13:43 |
Diane
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Re: I feel my future has been destroyed
Anon, I feel the pain you are feeling . My husband was killed suddenly in RTA almost 2 yrs ago. I am much older with grown up children, so do not have the added responsibility that you have. But yes, I know all too welll of how it feels to have so many plans destroyed in an instant. I eventually after some months had councelling, which helped. But everyday is still a struggle, and there is only us going through it, can fully understand the effect it has on our lives. Let me know if I can help, it is a long road ahead, with so many mixed emotions. Take care of yourself and your little one, that is a good way to start, and try not to think too far ahead, otherwise it all gets too much. Thinking of you, and if there is anything I can do, let me know. Much love, Diane x
Posted on 17/10/2011 at 15:52 |
Carolyn
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Re: I feel my future has been destroyed
Thank you Ruth and Diane for your messages. Diane, im very sorry to hear you also have been through this pain from loosing your partner to a RTA. It is just so unexpected and turns your whole life upside down. You never think it is going to happen to you. If there is any advice you can give me I would really appreciate it, i have not sought counselling yet. Im lucky that I have amazing parents who live locally and are doing so much to help me. I wanted to know if there are any groups I could go to to meet other people who have lost someone this way i thought it may help to talk to them.
Posted on 17/10/2011 at 16:38 |
Diane
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Re: I feel my future has been destroyed
Carolyn, it is good you have support from family,you will most certainly need that. When I most needed it, I found it hard to get help from the organisations who offer support. I believe BRAKE is one of them. I just had trauma councelling through my GP, which was a great help, as I really did reach rock bottom. Ask Kate for my email, if you need to talk,or anything else you may need to ask. Just take everything slowly though, you will still be in shock. I can honestly say, I was numb for the first year, there is so much to take in, so much disbelief, and WHY! Take care, don't hesistate if you need me. My thoughts are truly with you. Diane x
Posted on 17/10/2011 at 17:20 |
L
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Re: I feel my future has been destroyed
Dear Anon,
As with everybody on this site, I feel your pain because I too have experienced it. I wish you all the strength in the world & whilst there will be rock bottom times, I believe you will get through each day (only if it's by the skin of your tetth, you will get through them). Life can be so cruel, it isn't fair, it sucks. But I believe your little girl will get you through (& drive you crackers as well!).
I am over three & a half years down the line & I will always, always wish my little boy still had his daddy , I can't see how that feeling will ever go. My son was 16 months old when I lost the love of my life, it has been tough, but I have been surrounded by family & friends - I hope you have support, keep taking all the help you can & give yourself some time off from your baby, if you can bear it, it will give you some space to just grieve & not 'be on duty' all the time.
I have now started a teacher training course (seems like a miracle considering on day one without my love I could barely walk out of the front door).
I just want to prove to my little boy that life goes wrong & then life goes on, we carry him in our hearts always, we will never forget him, but he would want us to make the most of life.
Take great care & take tiny little steps, it might be two forward & one back, but they are steps.
Posted on 17/10/2011 at 20:40 |
Carolyn
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Re: I feel my future has been destroyed
Thank you again for all the replies to my messages and for giving me comfort and strength. You are all so brave and strong and make me see that me and my baby girl do have a future but that it will be very different.
Posted on 17/10/2011 at 21:05 |
Gerry
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Re: I feel my future has been destroyed
Dear Carolyn and all of you-my heart goes out to you all. I don't know how you get through the days. My Jenny had cancer for over six years and though we never gave up fighting in a way perhaps the end was not unexpected. How you cope with the suddeness of your kind of loss I do not know. I'm full of admiration of you all.
Stay strong. Sending you all much love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted on 17/10/2011 at 22:45 |
marie
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Re: I feel my future has been destroyed
yep i had a six month son and a 18 month year old when t died tragically. My 4 year old keeps asking questions. tough, tough,tough
Posted on 17/10/2011 at 23:38 |
Kelly
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Re: I feel my future has been destroyed
Hey Carolyn sorry to see another young mum on here too. I know how you feel, my boyfriend died while doing a divind job in June this year, he was only 31 and we have a baby too. My son was only 10 weeks old when his daddy died and now he is 6 months old. I think having our baby's will get us through it as they are a big distraction. There are days I just want to stay in bed and feel sorry for myself but we have to carry on for them. And as you probably have learned they make you smile again, but make you cry when you want to see them being held and played with their daddy.
I feel the same when i see other families having fun, I feel so envious, we did everything together, I want him back sooo much. I have days where i will be fine then out of nowhere tears start rolling down my cheek and I cant stop them coming and I just sit and cry and ask why. You can ask for my email address and Im happy to talk to you about baby things or just someone your age going through a similar scenario. Kelly xx
Posted on 18/10/2011 at 01:57 |
Carolyn
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Re: I feel my future has been destroyed
Thank you Maire, Gerry and Kelly for your lovely messages of support. Kelly, I cannot believe you were also left with a very young baby, it is just so cruel. I know exactly what you mean you can smile at the little things they do but it is tinged with sadness and I do find myself just crying my eyes out and then quickly trying to stop so that my baby does not see me sad all the time.
Posted on 18/10/2011 at 14:51 |
