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Topic: Endless pain
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Linne
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Endless pain
Hi I'm Linne
My wonderful husband died in July 2008, 12 days before his birthday.
He wanted his ashes spread across the white cliffs of dover. I will do it 1 day but the year before he died I became disabled.
Why do people insist on telling you it will get better easier ? It hasn't, in fact it just gets worse.
And why also do people tell me I should meet someone else ? Why would I want to ? No other man would ever live up to my wonderful Mick.
Posted on 17/10/2011 at 19:43 |
Lynne J
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Re: Endless pain
hi Linne,
My heart goes out to you. My husband died in November 09 but although I am not officially classed as disabled I have a problem with speech and co ordination. He used to a lot for me and I am now finding it very hard. In a way it has got easier in that I don't cry every day now but how how I still miss him. I try not to think to far in the future and just take each as it comes.
Not much help but I am thinking of you
Love and hugs Lynne xx
Posted on 17/10/2011 at 22:03 |
Dianne
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Re: Endless pain
Dear Linne,
My husband died in Feb 08, after 38 years together. I'm thinking that maybe Mick would not want to see you getting more unhappy, but to have moments of happiness for him? And, of course, neither you or I, or most of the people here will ever meet anyone else like our beloved. But, it is possible to eventually meet someone who will love us. And someone who we will also care for. In a different way. The loneliness can be gut wrentching. Hugs to you from me.
Dianne
Posted on 17/10/2011 at 22:32 |
Suzanne H
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Re: Endless pain
Dear Linne,
My husband died in August of 2008 and you are right, life is very hard.I don't talk about Stephen to anyone who is going to say the wrong thing to me because if I hear the words " You are doing really well " one more time I will attack the person with a steel wrench.
I have 2 girls 18 and 23 so I have kept going and and I presume I am competent each day. But,this is a fairly big ask of anyone to get over what has happened to us.
At present I am clearing out Stephens' garage and I am going to have a sale on Saturday and I feel awful.For a long time I couldn't even go in the garage.
Hold on to the ashes and there will come a time when someone will help you with them,even if you have to put a sock in their mouth
Take care, Suzanne
Posted on 18/10/2011 at 01:41 |
Diane
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Re: Endless pain
Hi Linne, I can only agree with what the other MWs have said to you. It is on ly people going through what we are going through can fully understand the emotions involved. You know, 2 yrs on, and at times, I still cannot believe I lost the lovely man, I thought I would grow old with. I only listen to people who are in the same position as us. I 'la,la,la,' the rest! Lots of love and hugs, take care, Diane x
Posted on 18/10/2011 at 08:52 |
oldie
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Re: Endless pain
hi lynne, my partner died in feb o8. i have met somebody else but its a completely different relationship, not a substitute in any way. that would be impossible, i dont believe you can ever find that or want it. But what it is about is the chance to love somebody else and i feel that its a testimony to the huge love that i had with my partner that i want to go on loving.
But this does not diminish the sence of loss or grief that i still feel. I so understand where you are coming from. ultimately all you can do is try to make your inner life as comfortable as you can, recognise that youre loss will never be acceptable at one level but that to keep on suffering is a kind of self torture that your husband im sure would not want for you.
I think its so hard to let go because it feel;s like an outrage has been perpertrated on us, the desperate unfairness of it all .
Im sure in time you will find a way to move forwards that might not be the life you hoped for but will bring some happiness and peace...
Posted on 18/10/2011 at 09:20 |
Suzanne A.
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Re: Endless pain
Hello Linne,
People tell you that things will get better for one of two reasons: one they have never been in your shoes and two, often they do get better.
You do not need to answer this question here but ask yourself if during the month after your beloved died if you felt the most pain, sadness, lonliness, fear, unhappiness that you had ever felt up to that time in your life. Actually not everyone does answer yes to that question-just most people.
I had never experienced such pain in my life to that day in Dec. 2008. The pain is not gone but just so much better than back then. I can awake now to saying good morning to him, living the day and going to bed saying goodnight to him. Occasionally I still curl up in a ball and sob but not like in the beginning when it was an everyday occurance. There are a lot of good days where he still lingers quietly in the background.
Because it was so terrible for you, maybe you don't want to remember it so you have blocked it out of your memory but if it was that horrible for you too, you may want to think about all the feelings you have now and see if they have not changed somewhat from the start of this journey.
As we always say here on this site, everyone grieves differently but personally for me, I could never go all the way back to that first six months when my entire world was black.
I hope you find some peace and some suggestions from others here that may make it a little easier. We all have our opinions on what works if only temporarily. Keep posting.
Thinking of you
Posted on 18/10/2011 at 21:49 |
