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Topic: First year
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karen b
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First year
Hi everyone
It will be the first year on sunday i thought i was doing so well but gone on a right downer (AGAIN) is there any end to feeling so sad one day you think you are ok then it comes along and hits you right in the heart i am sick of trying to pick myself up everybody round me says your so strong Aggggg iam just good at acting sorry to rant.xx
Posted on 20/10/2011 at 00:20 |
Suzanne A.
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Re: First year
Hello Karen,
Firstly, ranting is good. Keep doing that.
Secondly, the anniversary of the first year is enough by itself to knock you back down again from an otherwise ok week. It is just all part of the roller coaster effect and there is not any way to eliminate it entirely in such a short time.
Thinking of you
Posted on 20/10/2011 at 00:35 |
Kaz
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Re: First year
Hi Karen B,
First of all I'm sending you a big hug ((x))
You are doing great even though you don't think you are don't be so hard on yourself.
I know exactly how you feel, its been just over 9 months for me.
I was told something that helped me a little -
It like an explosion has gone off in you and you have to be put back together again. Not all the bits are there yet and some of them will take time and at the end of it you will be whole again but different, not good or bad just different.
I think we all think we are going to come back together exactly the same but that can't happen - one day we will feel stronger, for some of us it will take longer than others but like everyone we are all individuals and everyone is different. I like to think one day I will smile and think fondly about something my Robbie said or did instead of missing him like crazy, being angry, envious/jealous of all the couplesnand wanting to curl up and hide in a dark cave!
The stupid thing is the one person who would get me through this is the one who died!
Keep surviving
Luv Kaz xx
Posted on 20/10/2011 at 00:43 |
karen b
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Re: First year
Thankyou suzanne and kaz
It means a lot that you are out there and very comforting posts you are both right in what you say once this weekends over maybe i will be that bit stronger again.
Sending you big hugs xx
Posted on 20/10/2011 at 00:56 |
susan kirkham
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Re: First year
Keep on ranting is what I say! Am sorry to say this but have found the second year harder (if that is possible) than the first!! Nobody who hasn't been where we are, has a clue. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy!!
Life is so hard, and without your soulmate, unbearable!
Posted on 20/10/2011 at 01:11 |
Andrea
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Re: First year
Hi Karen
I have had my first year and my second year now. I never knew what the first year was going to do to me. I found myself finding some kind of comfort in the build up to it. I organized a mass with Tony's Mum and sister. Gave everyone roses as they came into church like the rose Tony would give me every Friday. We all wore little buttons with Tony's photo and name on. I made a huge collage with photos of Tony and all his family and friends. I made sure everything I could remember was going thru my mind. Then the next day it hit me. This time last year Tony had died. I was comletely crushed. I didn't know what to do and did't do anything for 2 weeks. I went back to day 1 but a year later. I shut myself off drom everyone until I suddenly remembered what I had done the previous year and that was to reach out. Aftrer 2 weeks I started to reach out to everyone who I knew I could. I reached out on here and as always got the support I had always gotten. Slowly but surely with my babysteps I started to come out of my caccoon I had put myself back into again.
Karen my advice to you is to go back to your babysteps. Don't overthink everything and reach out to those who you know will give the right support and you will get thru it.
Sending you many hugs at a very hard time.
Andrea
Posted on 20/10/2011 at 05:44 |
Tilly
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Re: First year
Like Karen I am coming up to the 1st year in November. This month was my birthday and our anniversary and I have completely gone backwards. Niagra Falls eat your heart out. Tears will not stop falling and I feel there is no future. We knew each other 46yrs (married 43) and we had no children. As others on here say he was my life. I was always laughing and full of confidence. I dont know the person I have become. My OH asked me in a letter 'the only thing I will ask of you is that you enjoy yourself'. Well easier said than done. I go out and meet friends but the loneliness is excrutiating and getting worse.We all put on a face. Every cup etc furniture we bought together. I have been on numerous holidays but the pain is still there. I dont know how much more of this I can take. I feel bad saying this when all of you are doing so well. Well going to have a glass of wine. I have even been given a teddy bear and he is installed in the bed. Sorry for being on such a downer.
Posted on 21/10/2011 at 22:42 |
