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Topic: Another low
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Ruth
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Another low
I feel like I'm posting too much lately so apologies for that. After a couple of hopeful days last week and getting through my son's 21st this week I feel like I'm back to square one. On Sunday it will be 4 months since Pat died and I feel like my wonderful life with him was just a dream and I'm now living with the reality of loneliness and heartbreak. I can remember every detail of diagnosis, treatment and agonising death and all that seems to overwhelm the amazing love and wonderful normal times we shared. And I know everyone says not to worry about the future but it still looms doesn't it. I just don't know how to face that without Pat at my side.
Tomorrow I am going to Scarborough for 4 days to see my daughter who is at uni there. Our last stay was in March when Pat insisted we still go even though he was in excruciating pain. He was like that. This trip without him is going to be hard.
Posted on 21/10/2011 at 07:52 |
Alison R
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Re: Another low
Hi Ruth
There is no need to apologise for posting too much, I dont think you can post too much, you just post when you need to - as often as you want. Anyway you often post to help other people, I have seen lots of comments from you on other people's posts offering support to them.
I'm not sure I can offer too much advice as I am only at 8 and half weeks myself but I do understand what you are saying. Its like one step forward and 3 steps back and suddenly you are back where you started again. But you are not really back where you started, it just feels like it, you have moved forward slightly, its just hard to see on the bad days.
Also although everyone says one day at a time I agree sometimes its hard not to think of the future, even though that is like looking into big dark scary black hole where nothing seems certain. Whereas before the future was something to look forward to and plan for now its depressing and frightening. Try to remember how you felt last week on your good days, you will have those good days again and there wil be more and more of them as time goes on. Hope the trip goes ok,
Love Alison xx
Posted on 21/10/2011 at 08:50 |
JAC
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Re: Another low
Ruth
Keep posting - it will help you get things off your mind.
You have been through a traumatic experience and it takes a lot of time,work and tears to accept and make sense of the awfulness of it all.
Its important to never feel alone with your grief and one of the ways to get through the pain is to express how you are feeling - you have lost the most important person from your life.
Take it a day, hour, minute at a time.
It will get easier, sometimes without you even noticing.
Try to enjoy your trip, create some memories with your children.
And remember, people who understand your grief are thinking about you - dont forget that.
Take care xx
Posted on 21/10/2011 at 10:02 |
Susie
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Re: Another low
Dear Ruth
You have shown how brave and strong you are. It's not square one- it's that one step back after two steps forward.
Enjoy the time with your daughter and let the fresh Scarborough air blow your mind clear of worries for a short while.
Take care
xxx
Posted on 21/10/2011 at 13:52 |
Diane
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Re: Another low
Strength, has shone through your posts Ruth, from such an early stage,and I still cannot believe you are only at 4months. Just these little reminders that can feel as though we are going backwards. I am in awe of how well you are doing,you may not think it,but you are doing great. As Susie says get off to Scarborough, blow those cob webs away! Your Pat will be there looking over you both. Love and hugs, Diane x
Posted on 21/10/2011 at 14:10 |
Suzanne A.
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Re: Another low
Hello Ruth,
I am one of those people who say not to 'think' about the future because (notice) you have written the word "worry" in that same sentence.
Worry is the result of thinking past the next day. I believe after much pondering on this subject, that in the early stages where you are now, nothing good comes of looking at the long range picture.
It is fine to look forward to trips to see your daughter and it is natural to worry a little about it too. But just to dwell on what is going to become of you and your family and your whole life right now is not going to help you. It is not ever going to be as bad as your thoughts take you right now. I know you can't see this yourself but that is why we who have walked in your shoes (and continue to walk there sometimes) tell you to take one or two days at a time.
As others have said, you are doing good. Be patient and we are always here for you.
Thinking of you
Posted on 21/10/2011 at 15:26 |
Paula
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Re: Another low
Ruth you are doing so well they dont call this greif journey a rollercoaster for nothing
Enjoy this weekend theres nothing like a trip to the seaside to re-charge your batteries.
You will be ok
Paula x
Posted on 21/10/2011 at 17:24 |
fen
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Re: Another low
it will be a hard trip you know your mind will take you back to your last visit, this journey is terrible truly terrible, and we all wish we weren't on it so sending you strength to enjoy your weekend with your daughter
Posted on 21/10/2011 at 17:43 |
Hazel P
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Re: Another low
Like you Ruth I feel I am posting often on here, but I suppose then that this site is supplying that service that us widowed people require, and I daresay there will be an eventual natural decline in posting when our wounds are not so raw and we're not constantly looking for answers and validations to all our thoughts,feelings, actions and problems. I'm better at giving advice I think, but am able to be fairly rational and maybe guilty of over thinking my own situations.
But it is important to express yourself and what better place with people who really know where you are coming from.
Take care of you xxxxxx
Love to all xxxxxxx
Posted on 21/10/2011 at 17:54 |
dave/val
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Re: Another low
one day at a time ruth, you'll be ok. we will all be thinking of you. hugs for you and daughter. dave/val.x
Posted on 21/10/2011 at 17:57 |
gab
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Re: Another low
Just hang in there, baby steps.
I often find the anticipation is the hard part.
Sending love and strength.
Take care xx
Posted on 21/10/2011 at 19:23 |
Ruth
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Re: Another low
Thanks for all the support. Stopped for lunch on the way to Scarborough. I've made it this far although leaving the house was like leaving Pat, weird. Ended up packing some keepsakes to get me through....his photo that I have beside the bed, 2 of his nightshirts (1 to wear and 1 to cuddle) etc! Big sigh :-(
Posted on 22/10/2011 at 13:53 |
suze c
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Re: Another low
Well done Ruth,
I hope you have a good time with your daughter, it will mean so much to her to see you. I have just got from visiting mine in London. It was good to see how much better she is coping than a few months back.
For me, going away was not too much of a problem, it was the returning home that was the real killer. Try and plan something good for when you get back, a meal with a good friend or invite someone caring around for a drink.
The more I go away, the easier it gets to return home alone. This is my ninth trip away in ten months and I realise that I am doing it to run away.............but whatever gets you through eh...
Love to you
Posted on 22/10/2011 at 21:45 |
