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Topic: is this the karma effect?
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guilty
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is this the karma effect?
maybe this has been kind of covered before, but maybe not............
you see I was very happily married and had never slept with anyone else, still haven't.... then began to quietly fantasise about an old school friend (that should have been more at time, but we were out of sync with other love lives) who had become very friendly with my OH and then confided in a friend at work that I had been wondering if I would ever experience another man as I was curious even though I had terrific orgasmic sex with my OH, and then it happened ....Karma got me for fantasising.......... my OH was struck down with an incurable cancer and died 8 months later and all that time and since the friend has been there for us/me at every turn, and I still fantasise and boy do I feel guilty....did I cause this......and worse he is married......happily I think......but I will never cross the line ever and my Beloved OH knew that and said that he knew I would never cheat on him and I had morals/scruples. But now after another 10 months I still feel same and am feeling very needy in sexual dept, resorting to toys and dvds to impersonalise what I'm doing. So thats what I'm just going to stick to at moment and hope that I can one day meet someone who I can have all that compatibility with again
Posted on 04/02/2012 at 19:41 |
Anon
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Re: is this the karma effect?
My husband's sex drive took a nose dive, I thought he didn't fancy me any more! I tried lots of ways to make him interested. He said he still loved and fancied me but couldn't keep up with me! I looked good and couldn't understand why he wasn't so interested, I even accused him of fancying women colleuges at his work! It caused lots of arguments and then we made a conscious effort to get on. We were spending more time together, then he started to get poorly. Six months later he died from a rare form of cancer. I loved him so much and the reason he didn't want sex was because he ill not that he wanted anyone else !! I was selfish and I beat myself up for ages after he died. Now I have to forget those thoughts for the sake of my sanity. I loved my husband and he loved me and he wouldn't want me to be unhappy. You had sexual feelings for someone else that's normal we all look at attractive men. I had a silly crush on someone but that's all it was. You loved your husband and that's what mattered. Don't feel guilty for masturbating, it is probably helping you cope with the grief and it's better than taking anti-depressants! Anon for this.
Posted on 04/02/2012 at 20:57 |
guilty
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Re: is this the karma effect?
I really have the guilt feeling for imagining being with another man, thinking that this was my punishment by taking away the man I really did love and still do. But I still feel guilt about thinking that I need to feel a man's love again. The masturbating isn't really an issue just a poor substitute. So am I being rational or is there truth in the Karma thing?
Posted on 05/02/2012 at 21:05 |
Anon
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Re: is this the karma effect?
It could be karma, but you didnt act on your feelings. You loved your husband he died but that's not your fault. If you enter into another relationship when you're ready don't feel bad. Some people need physical contact and aren't programmer to be alone. My mum met someone else and is happy again but she will never stop loving her late husband. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Anon
Posted on 05/02/2012 at 21:43 |
guilty
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Re: is this the karma effect?
thanks Anon, hopefully one day I'll be as lucky as your Mum, but can't help feeling that I've had my share of good loving, thats why I think I miss all of it so bad. Not just sex, but the whole package, we just got on so well, any tiffs we had made us stronger and I could tell him anything, even said to him that I did wonder about other men but we both knew I would never cross that line, but he did reckon that if anything ever should happen to him that I would need another man, because I liked it so much, yes he knew me well, hope that doesn't make me sound like a nymphomaniac, but i am just a normal heterosexual woman who has lots of love to give.. thanks for your responses.
Posted on 05/02/2012 at 23:37 |
low self esteem
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Re: is this the karma effect?
Your thoughts regarding feeling for another man, are normal please don't be hard on yourself.
You had thoughts for another man, discussed it with your husband, in my book that means you had no intention of acting out these thoughts.
Its when its a secret in your marriage that it becomes an issue.
Masterbation is ok, we all do it.
And yes you will, in time, have a new love.
The person you are today is because of the love you gave and recieved from your husband.
My self esteem is at an all time low where men are concerned, not attractive enough, bla, bla ,bla..
Never had these thoughts in my twenties, I believe grief has done this to me.
In time I will have another relationship, with a good man, always remembering my hubby.
As will you. Love Low self esteem xx
Posted on 06/02/2012 at 12:17 |
Marina
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Re: is this the karma effect?
Hi, firstly I dont believe in Karma or any other superstitious constructs. I just wanted to say that fantasising about others is normal as is death. When our lives are going well we dont consider the realities of this world, which is the way it should be, so we are fairly complacent about everything.
So while we may be happily ensconsed with our loves, we are free to imagine other scenarios. This is all normal being in love doesnt' stop us from being attracted to other people. These fantasies are healthy as they are merely imaginary and are not marred by the failings of reality.
When people die before their time it leaves everything suspended, all our hopes and dreams are shattered, reality smashes in and a new normal has to be found.
You loved your husband you had a strong relationship. You are a passionate woman one day another will be lucky enough to share your life. Be kind to yourself you have nothing to be guilty about, remember instead the good stuff that is what matters, love Marina x
Posted on 06/02/2012 at 13:42 |
