So you’ve stopped feeling suicidal, you’ve stopped wearing the veil, you’ve started to look really rather attractive for a complete fruitcake. What comes next?
Well, in my case it was around this time that I started to get certain urges. I was full of anger and hurt and frustration. I had to get it out of me and I knew exactly how I would do it. I would have sex. Not in a romantic, Barbara Cartland way, no, I wanted it long, hard and rough – and I wanted it over and over again. And in my sad, deluded fantasy, when my staggeringly proficient lover would just be shutting his eyes for a well-earned rest after hours of sexual excess, I would prod him awake and tell him that I was ready to do it all over again.
Of course I didn’t get what I wanted, because I realised that it was only my body joining in with the madness that was going on in my head, but it does bring me rather neatly to the subject of dating.
If you and your husband did not get on particularly well, then you may be ready to start seeing other men quite soon after his death. If you find a man who can make you happy and can make your children happy, then go to it. If you find a man who makes you happy, but who loathes your children then you should try to think of your children’s happiness over your own. And if you don’t really care if your children are happy or not, just as long as you get laid, then you must be prepared to live with the consequences.
If you are anything like me then you will think you are ready to be with another man after about a year – but I was deluding myself. It took me at least three years to get on top form, both mentally and physically. If I had started a relationship with a man before then, I might not have achieved all of the things I have, and I would not know myself as I do now. The downside is that I have missed out on an awful lot of sex, but I intend to make up for that just as soon as I can find a man fit enough to take me on.