The Perils of E-Mail
I made a lot of mistakes early on. I grew tired of waiting to meet a man, and so I decided to take matters into my own hands. This course of action led me to enter the wild and wacky world of Internet dating. And at this point I would sound a note of caution. If you believe as I did, that cyberspace is peopled not by social misfits, adolescent boys, married men and losers, but by normal, decent human beings, then you are wrong – because I have had e-mails from all of them to prove it. However, if you do wish to spend the rest of your life shackled to a bed in a trailer park on the New Mexican border, whilst Bubba (A.K.A Simon, the man who described himself to you in the chat room as an erudite businessman from Boston), lopes across the dusty ground, pulling behind him the small donkey that is to be your playmate for the entertainment of all his friends – carry on. Enjoy.
I had to find out for myself. I soon realised that chat rooms were not a place to meet a suitable man, but I did have high hopes for the Internet dating agency that I placed an ad in. I had high hopes until I opened the first e-mail, and then I realised what I had let myself in for. I got messages from men all over the world and I read them with the growing realisation that there are some really strange men out there that I didn’t want to meet – ever.
If you need further proof, I will give you a small taster. My first e-mail was from a man who finished his message of hope with the words – ‘I greatly enjoy giving women oral pleasure.’ And my last was from a 52 year old who told me that he stood 5’6″ in his socks and weighed 64 kg without his clobber on – his words, not mine. He went on to say, ‘When I LOVE I LOVE DEEP!!’ and finished, rather charmingly, I thought, by offering a proposal of marriage and saying that before a firm commitment could exist, ‘LOVE MUST cum into the equation.’ I’m not sure if his spelling mistake was intentional or not, but I got the message loud and clear.
You, as a widow, should regard yourself as emotionally vulnerable, because that is what you are. And you should proceed with the utmost caution because you are not yet strong enough to suffer any further trauma, be it physical or mental.
I am not saying that you shouldn’t try to make yourself happy again, because that is the fervent wish of every woman who has lost a husband in the prime of her life. You should be happy again – we all want to be happy again, but your happiness will be short-lived if you blunder into a relationship with the first man who lies his way into your e-mail affections.
E-mails are extremely dangerous because the written word is much more powerful than the spoken word. People say things in e-mails that they would never have the nerve to say to your face. People promise things on the page that they have no intention of honouring in real life. You might find yourself pouring out all your troubles, all your hopes and desires to a man, who on paper is more loving and caring and honest and sexy than you ever thought a man could be, but who is, in reality, a shallow, manipulative deviant who can’t run off with you as he promised, because he is married, has no intentions of leaving his wife and is only stringing you along for his own warped enjoyment.
I am not speaking from experience, I am only trying to give you an example of what you might be letting yourself in for if you give away too much of yourself too soon.
If you can bear to wait until you are strong enough to suffer a serious rejection, then you will at least have a chance of emerging from it unscathed. If you can find a date through conventional means, then at least you can see with your own eyes what you might be letting yourself in for. And if you can find some regard for your own abilities to make a man fall in love with you again, after spending so long feeling totally worthless, then you deserve all the love that a man can give you.