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Topic: Wedding Rings - again
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Sylvia
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Wedding Rings - again
I know it's been done, but I'm curious about the wedding ring topic.
My own wedding ring was put on my finger by my husband at our wedding and it never came off. Ditto his on his hand, put there by me.
then he died and when I got to the hospital they'd taken it off already. I took it to where his body lay, and took my ring off for the first time in nearly 17 years. I stuck his onto my wedding ring finger and put mine on over it. I never thought about it. It was what widows do, as far as I know. And there it remains 10 months later, and will remain for the foreseeable future.
but now, I've not come across any other widows who have done this. Is it just something I got from my German relatives? (Who of course wear wedding rings on the right hand, not the left like in the UK and US, so they don't 'get it' when they see my rings either.)
Anyway, has anyone heard of this thing which seemed so natural to me?
Posted on 03/01/2007 at 21:47 |
NickyR
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
Hi Sylvia,
I know of at least one other person who has done exactly that.
In my case, my husband's ring is far too big for any of my fingers (even my thumbs) so I bought a platinum chain to put it on and wear my husband's ring around my neck. I didn't want to make it smaller as it wouldn't have been 'his' - if you know what I mean?
I have no intention of taking it off. I have no intention of moving or removing my own wedding, engagement or eternity rings from my 'wedding finger' either.
Everyone is different though and you have to do what feels right for you.
Posted on 03/01/2007 at 21:58 |
Lyndsey
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
I haven't heard of it, no. My auntie who was widowed 5 years ago wore her own rings on a chain around her neck.
Someone said to her "that's an invitation to other men(?)"
She said that that put her off so she just didn't wear them.
I feel that I want to take them off because I would like to meet someone else one day as I'm only 33.
But I have young children and I suppose it feels "respectable" to wear them.
I don't want to be looked at as a single mother because I'm not, I'm a widowed one.
I have tiny fingers so his ring would fall right off, so I keep it on a chain dangling over a photo of him.
It's a tough one, not least because we all worry about what others think!
Posted on 03/01/2007 at 22:05 |
Katie
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
Everyone is different. I took mine off one week after the funeral. I wear my eternity ring now as I'm no longer married but will love him for an eternity so I will never take that off.
xxx
Posted on 03/01/2007 at 22:13 |
WS
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
Gent here.
I wore my first wife's ring on my little finger fr4om just after her death. I have never taken off my own wedding ring - having remarried, I now have two rings on my wedding finger.
Do what you feel is most comfortable,is my feeling.
WS
Posted on 03/01/2007 at 22:37 |
Sue
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
Ian didn't wear a ring but I wear his watch every day. I can't see me ever not wearing my rings - might be misconstrued as an available person then and I don't want that.
Posted on 03/01/2007 at 22:41 |
Julie Bel
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
Hi sylvia
I guess no right or wrong,we do it in our own way.I took mine off at 4 months after a dream I had but I did miss it and wore my 25th anniversary ring for a while so as not to feel "naked". This looks a bit like a wedding ring anyway so I guess people would assume it was.
I now wear Pete's ring but it fits on my middle finger and I am very happy knowing it is there.
I don't feel married anymore (god I wish) so don't want to appear married I guess. Nobody has said anything.
I am at 6 months age 45.
Posted on 03/01/2007 at 22:43 |
David Kerr
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
I kept mine on for the first year as I didn't want to change what didn't need to be changed. However, I did have moments in when ordering food or drinks when I was asked "would you like to wait for your wife before oredering?" I once replied ... you'll wait a while she's dead ... i was having a wee black moment. The poor waitress was deeply shocked and I was really sorry.. but.. a few weeks later my assistant failed to turn up and guess who my temp was ... yeah the same waitress... a very nice person as it turns out.
I happened to be climbing the Sydney bridge, as you do off and afternoon, 1 year to the day after my wife died and the staff insisted I remove my wedding ring. My friend laughed and said," Go for it Dave!" So I did. Looking back it was something smaller than the unforeseen darker shadows that I had yet to deal with.
Sorry for the ramble.... I'm on holiday for two weeks and tonight I am going insane with loneliness : (
Dave
Posted on 03/01/2007 at 23:51 |
Carol
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
As soon as I collected my husband's wedding ring from the hospice where he died (the morning after) I wore it on a chain round my neck - where it remains almost 3 years later. My own wedding ring I moved to my right hand about a year ago. I did this because people who don't know my circumstances assumed I have a living husband - with my ring on my right hand I believe it makes people think twice before making that assumption.
I think everyone should do what feels right for themselves, as we all have different thoughts about this subject and there is no definitive way of showing we are widows/widowers.
Carol
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 00:11 |
bridget
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
We each do what we feel is right and that changes as we change. There are no rules. Richard was buried wearing his ring. Our wedding rings read "You and no other" in Old French. It would seem strange for me not to wear it.One day though I might feel differently.
Bridget
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 01:22 |
Anne
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
I wear my rings on my right hand.It feels right for me.
When I was still wearing my rings on the left hand people would ask after him.You know the thing "what does your husband do " or include you in a conversation when there all talking about how bad their husbands are and you want to yell " Hes dead ,you dont know how lucky you are ".
We all have to do what feels right for ourselves and not worry about what anyone thinks.
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 08:16 |
H
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
I also buried my husband with his wedding ring on. He just had a plain band, had it been more ornate perhaps I would have kept it. When his brother expressed surprise that I was burying him with it on, I said he might need it where he's going! I'm still wearing the rings my husband gave me, and will do indefinitely. There's no right or wrong, just what's best for you.
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 08:59 |
janjan
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
Mik never had a wedding ring, it was something he never wanted and after a nasty bout of a form of R.A. I was never able to wear mine. I also developed an allergy to gold so even if I had it altered i couldn't have worn it. We never did things by the book so not wearing wedding rings was normal for us. A few people thought we weren't married and were making up the fact that we were. I never felt any the less married.
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 09:59 |
Kate M
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
My husbands ring went missing somewhere between the hospital & the funeral directors. I spent so long trying to find out what had happened to it & getting so upset over it, as it hadn't left his finger since I put it there. I have now tried to forget about it as I can't do anything more.
I will continue to wear my rings as I couldn't bear to take them off.
Everyone is different & should do what suits them.
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 11:04 |
Sunshine
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
Hi Sylvia,
I wear my husband's wedding ring with my own plus my engagement ring over it (just as you describe). It seemed the obvious thing for me to do xxx
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 11:17 |
Claire
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
Hi Sylvia,
My husbands wedding ring was far too large for me, so as soon as I was given it at the funeral directors, I went and bought a chain to put it around my neck. It has not been taken off since. My own rings, wedding, engagement and eternity all remain where he put them. I think the personal choice comes from how you feel, whether you feel still married or not. I confess I am still Mrs Robinson, and therefore still feel very married. When I go shopping, people automatically call me Mrs - and that is how I want to stay at the moment.
I am not trying to ward people off, nor do I necessarily want to attract another partner. I assume in the future if I should be lucky enough to find someone else, my feelings will change. For the moment, I am happy where they are. There is no right nor wrong!
Claire
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 13:01 |
Alison mad pig lady
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
No rules.
I had mine re-sized and now wear it on my right hand. It was a spur of the moment thing, just found myself in the jewellers asking for it to be changed, just over a year after Dave's death.
It feels very right for me on my right hand.
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 13:42 |
Christine
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
Yup, as Alison says, no rules; do what's right for you
Mike lost his wedding ring a week after our wedding. So as not to upset me, (like I'd have been bothered! I had the man!) he went back to the jewellers and bought another. I never knew until a week later, found it in the washing machine....so he had two and we never knew which was the one we married with. He never wore either of them, as a builder it was impractical.
I wore them as thumb rings, and when he died gave one each to the kids; they wear them on chains. Mine stays put forever where he placed it.
Just before what should have been
our 20th wedding anniversary, I found money in a suit pocket and figured he owed me a bit of bling, so on impulse went and bought another identical plain gold band. I wear that , third finger right hand. When I pop off, the kids have instructions to mix em up and take one each. That way they will both have our wedding rings.
Christine x
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 14:01 |
Joanne
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
Similar to Katie, having a child I didn't want to seem divorced or a single Mum(silly and old fashioned I know, but true). I began my cuurent relationship quite early on but kept my wedding ring and engagement ring on until quite recently ( about a year after losing my husband).
Now in an effort to live for the life I have to today and as commitment to the partner I have today, I wear my eternity ring on my left hand and have put my wedding ring in my jewellry box. My engagement ring I do sometimes wear on my right hand now...for a bit of sparkle! To me, I will always love my husband for eternity and for my 'new man' I do not have my wedding ring on.
When I did take it off I found the words 'Forever' inscribed inside. This was the company name of the man who designed and made our rings and I had forgotten it was there until that lovely moment.
Definitely an each to their own on this one. Having never taken mine off for 10 and a bit years it was weird, but I was ready and that is what is important for each of us.
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 20:04 |
Kim2
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
The last thing my husband did was to place my wedding ring on my finger, the day before he died. I have worn my engagement ring for 23 years. A few weeks ago I took them off and tried them on my right hand but I wear another ring, bought by my husband 24 years ago. I don't want to remove that and so I put my rings back on my left hand. They suddenly felt really uncomfortable and I removed them. I have thought about having them redesigned into one ring but I think I want to keep them as they are. I don't know whether I will wear them again, I may possibly put them on a chain.
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 20:14 |
adrienne
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
since Jim died 18mths ago, I had worn his ring on a chain around my neck (invitation to other men, I doubt it!).
That is until yesterday. I had been wearing another necklace I bought myself (pressie to myself).
so my husbands wedding ring is in a little box, in my suitcase which is right now somewhere between Glasgow/Heathrow/Milan/god knows where. :(
if i dont hear from mysuitcase ever again, its the thing I will miss (along with the i-pod we bought together on out last trip together). My son already misses the race car bubble bath.
I will go to airport and shout at some poor BA employee but somehow not feeling 100% positive....oh well... keep it with you, I say (now!)!
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 21:05 |
Ian f
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
Rings.... good subject. Gwen's is still on her finger. Didn't seem right to remove it (took all the various other bits of jewellery, though. Gave a diamond bracelet to her best friend (My 7 year old told me "Mummy said Julie's to have that if anything ever happened to her!". She would know that Ander wouldn't forget.
My ring? Still on. Because (a) I've put on weight since we married, and it won't come off (b) I've never tried to take it off, anyway (c) It helps reduce the risk of appearing to be a F4J reject whilst out with the kids (I look terrible in a spiderman suit....)
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 21:37 |
barb
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Re: Wedding Rings - again
guess we are all different
i wear all my rings still together with my husbands
im still married to him
its just that hes not here
Posted on 04/01/2007 at 22:03 |
