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Topic: Oldies Roll call
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Chris C.
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Oldies Roll call
It interests me how many oldies ( 2 years+) are still logging onto the site. How are you all doing? It will be 3 years for me in May and its been good to share the ups and downs with everyone on here. Life for me is different, but I`m able to smile again. Sad to see so many new names. God bless and love to all of you. xx
Posted on 05/03/2007 at 21:50 |
julie j
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Re: Oldies Roll call
I don't post much now but I'm still here.
3yrs nxt monday
I have'nt moved on and I'm not sure I ever will.
I feel so sad at all the new arrivals on the site and at how young they all are.So many 30's and under.
I miss all tne oldies who offered so much support when I joined.
I often wonder what's happened to them all. regards julie j
Posted on 05/03/2007 at 22:05 |
Jim
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Re: Oldies Roll call
There's a few about--I think I may be one!
Jim
Posted on 05/03/2007 at 22:06 |
charlotte
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Re: Oldies Roll call
hi chris,i am an oldie,as you put it,but not really to this site.i just found it in november last year,thanks to my daughter. oh how i wish i had found it when my husband died [june 04]
i posted this morning,[old life new life] if you look you will see how i am doing .we have come a long way you and i ,what a bumpy road it has been ,but i think god keeps us busy in the early day,s and mths to keep us sane .we all seem to suffer in the same way .shock for mths then wham it hits you .[in my case it was nearly a year owing to family circumstances]
somehow ,some way we get where we are at this point in time,and it all seems so sureal ,to me anyway.i still miss my darling husband ,and i always will.but we have to go on the best way we can.i wish you well and god bless all the young and new widows,
lots of love from charlotte xxxx
Posted on 05/03/2007 at 22:21 |
H.A.B
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Re: Oldies Roll call
I'm still reading but not posting very often. 3 years in October, don't think I'll ever 'move on'. It's like being stuck in a time warp, wish I could go back more than anything, but can't move forward either. I'm 34 going on 90!
Still taking one day at a time.
To anyone in the early stages with children, they seem to 'move on' easier in some areas but not in others. Like us 'adults' things they least expect catch them and us out.
Every time I read I hope that we are not joined by someone else who's life has been shattered by losing the love of their life. It's so sad to see how many times there are new names.
Good luck and best wishes for the future to everyone who posts or reads this site.
Can't put my name as Big Brother still watching????!!!!
Posted on 05/03/2007 at 22:47 |
colette
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Hello Chris,
I'm an oldie-31/2 years since my darling died.
I would say that there are days now that I do enjoy and I feel my old self returning but oh it does change often with the blink of an eye and I'm in hell.
But we can only go forwards and I am rebuilding my life as best I can-my daughters are now of an age where I can leave them for a while and so have found myself a really rewarding job-teaching in a prison.I have also joined an internet dating site and have met some lovely guys. I think the best thing is that I have found who my friends are and the ones who have supported me on this journey very special to me.
All the very best to all who use this wonderful site -Colette
Posted on 05/03/2007 at 23:20 |
Jane D
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Yup!! I am still here!!
I have come to the conclusion that we can't alter the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails.
I smile a lot, even laugh sometimes!
I may be an oldie in terms of being a widder for 26 months, but I am still not an oldie in my head!
Posted on 05/03/2007 at 23:23 |
B
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Also an oldie - in all sorts of ways.
Though he could walk in the door right now and occupy the space that was his. Feel it was yesterday when we last spoke.
But over 2 years now and I wouldn,t say I had moved on but I'm learning to live with it and adjust to this new way. I sometimes wonder how the dog would react if he reappeared - probably go a little crazy with joy!!!! I've thought too that in a way he's still here - his DNA must be all over the place even though I had to move to a smaller less low maintainance home. But can the dog still detect his scent on our furnishings?
Daphne Du Maurier said she carries her husband with her in her head and it brought her comfort. I think that's me - he's in my head frequently slipping in and out of my consciousness and it is a comfort.
So I wouldn't say I have moved on ( I hate that phrase anyway ) but I have learned that some things give life meaning and those are the ones I focus on.
Thinking of all the oldie survivors with love.
B
Posted on 05/03/2007 at 23:47 |
Jean
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Hi Chris,
I am one of the 'oldies'. 3 years in April coming. I would say I have moved forward of sorts. Had a few bad days lately when I was on a scary flight and I felt so vulnerable knowing that if anything happened to me the children would be left orphaned and then the youngest was going to her first disco and her dad not here to see her. I think subconsciously Francis' anniversary coming up really does affect me. Our wedding anniversary, my birthday all fall in the same week when he died.
When I think of all that has happened in that time and we have managed to get through it all, i.e first daughter's wedding, son on a year's placement in Hawaii, another daughter doing a Masters, and all the everyday things that people have to deal with. We are stronger than we ever imagined.
I met someone just over a year ago and it is great most of the time, but we do have 'funny' days. We are getting more involved as time passes. I still have thoughts when I wish Francis was here and we were back to the way we were. unfortunatley that isn't going to happen so we have to get on with life as best we can.
My children have been a godsend and they are my priority but I don't kid myself that they will be around me for ever. They also have their lives to lead and I will always be there for them no matter what.
I would say we are still adjusting to this different life as Francis would have wanted. There is not a day goes by that I don't think of him but I can enjoy life now and cherish the good memories.
Everyone deals with grief and emotions differently in their own good time and I hope all the 'oldies' feel they can go on eventually and enjoy life again.
Love Jean x
Posted on 06/03/2007 at 00:27 |
Andrea M
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Hi I've just become an 'oldie' as it is two years today.
love to all
Andrea
Posted on 06/03/2007 at 08:52 |
Pennyb
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Hi ,
Not quite an oldie but ,approaching the 2 year mark !
I have been posting on here since the early days though .
I occasionally pop in and read and ,offer advice when needed.
Hugs to you all
Posted on 06/03/2007 at 10:29 |
Carla
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Hi - It's just past the 3 year mark for me. Life can never be the same again, but mine's very different now.
I have moved on in so many ways, and have a new partner now. However, my widder days have left me better at handling DIY jobs than him!
I'm not old - 32, but feel as though I've lived a lifetime already.
Posted on 06/03/2007 at 11:35 |
LynneM
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Hi Chris,
its 3 years for me on 27th, still reading without fail everyday, don't post cos quite often answer a post then worry if I've said it right, so just don't bother, feel so sad to see all people who come and go on this site, what an amazing source for us all.
How am I, well I must have moved somewhere, just not sure on is the right word, life is different, different to when Gary was alive, but also not the same now as it was for about first two and half years.
I can sleep now, I don't cry so much, I don't drink so much, my constant fuzzy head has mostly cleared, I'm less worried about the future and responsibilites, and worry less that boys are suffering, I don't feel as guilty, I don't blame myself anymore, and I do smile, belly laugh even.
But somehow I feel it could all coming crashing down around me at any moment, but the longer it goes on without the crash, the stronger I feel. My music anthems now are less about How Do I Live and more about I Will Survive and Its My Turn by Diana Ross.
I haven't tried dating, don't think I've even spoken to an available man since Gary died, but that's fine, I still don't want anyone else, I'm used to my life now, and I need to concentrate on my boys, they come first and when they've cleared off to live their own lives, I'll still be young enough to start again if i want. At the moment I still feel I am in love with my husband, I miss him so much and sometimes the ache to talk to him is unbearable, I guess the difference now is I accept that I won't be able to see him, doesn't stop him being very much alive in my heart and my head
i do need to start to think about a future for me ,work wise though, so am considering going back to college, learning something new. I spend far too long on this laptop, need to channel thoughts elsewhere.
Anyway, babbled on enough, good to hear from you, so pleased you are happy, you deserve it,
To all new people on here, thinking of you all, take care and look after yourselves, take your time, you will be able to cope, just don't expect too much too soon, xx
Posted on 06/03/2007 at 12:38 |
JaneR
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Re: Oldies Roll call
I have to say it is fantastic to hear from all you "oldies", I am at 17 months now and it is really doing me good to read you posts - thank you. I found this site in Oct 05 when I was at about 6 weeks, and recall reading bourbon and bollocks and about squirrels! It gave me such a laugh to realise there was others just as mad as me out there too. Take care xx
Posted on 06/03/2007 at 13:36 |
Amal
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Hi Chris, Am at 2 year next month. Have not "moved on", but have found other paths to explore in my life. I have taken my Tony with me in everything I have done. I hear his voice in my head all the time, just this past sunday in fact when I was using one of his tools in an "inappropriate" way. He yelled at me to stop it.
I am not who I was, she died with Tony, but I have found out who was left and she's not half bad.
I have explored myself the last year and find I am a pretty cool chick with much to offer and lots of life to live.
Alaska and the life Tony and I made here has filled the empty spaces in my life and I am happy and content. Have not started to enter the "seeing" someone new stage, but I am at peace where I am at the moment.
I too have seen all the new names and it breaks my heart to read how others are hurting and agonizing....it breaks my heart.....
I read posts from "oldies" like Highlander and it brings warmth and peace like rays of sunshine becoming a little stronger through the early spring window day after day.....
And I hold to one thought day after day, no matter good or bad....NEVER GIVE IN TO DESPAIR......
Love to you all.
Posted on 06/03/2007 at 14:20 |
Highlander
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Hi all
I am still here, lurking. I don't post as much but am always keeping an "oldies eye" on what is happening. I guess I am the oldest on this site as I was the first to post here after Kate opened the site.
Throughout that time I have always been astonished at the compassion shown by all members and that there is always someone here to help when someone else is feeling low.
It gives me great hope and heart to see how many "oldies" have moved forward at their own pace to find some semblance of acceptance and are able to pass on wise words to "newbies" who are sadly just starting out on their journey where their mountain seems so high and treacherous.
Although I have never met most of the "oldies" many are like old friends and it is very interesting to see what they are doing now and their words still have the power to move me. Jean's words always inspire me and I will never forget Amal's words to me on the first anniversary of Mary's birthday after her death which gave me more comfort than she will ever know.
To you all and Chris in particular all I can say is thanks.. thanks for being there.
Peace to you all
HL
XXX
Posted on 06/03/2007 at 15:38 |
Lesley
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Re: Oldies Roll call
I guess I'm an "Oldie" but am quite new to this site - only found it last week.
5 1/2 years is a long time since Tony's death and in many ways I have learnt to cope and live again but the scar is there, it wil never go away and occasionally it opens and weeps. I have come to the conclusion this is normal for this kind of situation and am trying desparately hard to accept that fact. Bringing up teenagers on your own doesn't help and neither does having to be a support to elderly parents when you actually could do with some support yourself sometimes. However, I try to imagine what Tony would expect of me (carpe diem, sieze the day and all that) and carry on.
Finding this site and knowing that I am not a "one-off" has been very reassuring.
Posted on 06/03/2007 at 17:33 |
marion
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Another oldie reporting to base.
Over two years since Roger died, and although I don't post much nowadays, you are all still very much in my thoughts.
Two friends of mine have recently lost their husbands, one to motor neurone disease, the other to multiple sclerosis, I have been to see one of them, but sadly my other dear friend lives in Shropshire and as I live in Kent, we can only correspond and talk by phone until I can visit.
You have been a tower of strength to me when I have been at my lowest ebb, and all I can say to you is thank you for all the support and words of wisdom, when you too, have been greiving for your loved ones.
I wish you peace and happiness and send love to all of you.
marion
x
Posted on 06/03/2007 at 21:20 |
Jean
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Hi Chris,
I've just been thinking as I am reading the posts.
Does the fact we still visit the site after this time mean, deep down, we still can't let go completely?
There are times when I can't read the posts as they are too sad and they remind me of how I felt at that time myself. If I am feeling strong I will respond and try to be positive to support anyone I can.
Only the other night one of my children walked past the computer while I was on MW and asked "do you still need that wee website Mum'? I thought to myself, yes, I still do and get comfort from it. On reflection, I have got this far with the support and help of others.
I hope I can do the same for someone.
Love Jean x
Posted on 06/03/2007 at 22:31 |
Jim
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Jean and all--"oldies"
I wonder about that, am I perpetuating (needlessly or otherwise) my grief,
I don't "have" to it is my choice and I make the choices what to read replying if I can be positive.
There are so many who have come and will come after us----I could wrench myself away, it would be a wrench, but while I may be able to help, if only a little, I feel need to replay what was/has/is been done for me.
Sorry for now you are stuck with me.
Posted on 07/03/2007 at 10:59 |
Jim
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Edit-last
Baring in mind everyone, I pay £15 per year to another organisation-well worth it to--but this is free, to keep it that way we need to use the donation facility if we can.
Not mission impossible so far, never been any appeals by Kate but woth mentioning in case anyone forgot.
Jim
Posted on 07/03/2007 at 11:06 |
adrienne
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Re: Oldies Roll call
I'm not quite an oldie (2 years in May) but was probably one of the earlier people to use this site (I found it sept/oct 2005, 5 mths after my husband died).
I still read and write often (you cant shut me up here...even with larangitis!!)
Jean, Jim I often wonder also if logging on here p'haps perpetuates the grief but i am not as "addicted" as in the beggining. Plus, I am sure for many of us, being a lone parent with young children and therefore often at home alone, its nice to have company to "chat" to!
I think I am moving on in fits and starts.... no one new... I wouldnt mind if there was but not actively looking or likely candidates on the horizonfor that matter! ;-)
there are a few oldies I still think about and would love to hear they were doing okay (Annie O, Sasha, Binny to name some)
Posted on 07/03/2007 at 11:23 |
Martin
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Not quite an oldie, 2 years March 18, but feel like I've been here a lifetime!
I have to thank Chris for getting me here as we first met on the US Widownet boards.
As for why we are still here, Jim, I guess we class here and other boards as "home" nowdays. A place we can be understood and a knowledge and understanding we can give to new arrivals. It is by choice that we decide to stay and help and the infrequency of posting is mainy because we have progressed enough to lead a life away from the boards.
We know that even at 2,3,4 years there comes a time when the low comes home and thats probabley when we turn to the place we know best, here.
Adrienne, if you check on my site, Sasha has just posted as she has just hit the 2 years, she's doing fine in Oz.
M
Posted on 07/03/2007 at 12:01 |
adrienne
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Re: Oldies Roll call
thank you martin, will look for sasha's msg.
its true what you say, I also post here in hope that I might help someone newer (as well as to find a solution to some of my day to day worries). and hopefully we all do help each other at whatever year we are.
xxx
Posted on 07/03/2007 at 13:04 |
JB
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Still here,
Over 2 and half years of this existence since he died suddenly. Gets easier in a lot of ways but there is still a big hole.
As has been said, sometimes it feels like he could just walk in any moment, and i don't feel up to changing that yet, tho hope eventually I will meet someone else - though that is unlikely as am not doing much socialising!
And as someone else said - can be doing OK, then in the blink of an eye it can change and feel so sad.
Sick of it!
Posted on 08/03/2007 at 22:13 |
'Simone O
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Re: Oldies Roll call
Hi
It will be 2 1/2 years in April for me, so I guess that makes me and "oldie" althought I have just found this site tonight.
When I first met Graham back in 1998 I never could have imagined that I would be married, a widow and have a baby all before my 28th birthday. I will be 30 next month, in some ways i don't feel that old. But in others I feel so much older than I am.
I still think about him everyday, but think I have learned to live with the emptyness that his death has created.
Our beautiful daughter makes me laugh everyday, she reminds him of her father so much, but there are also times when it makes me cry, she will never get to meet him, I will never have a photo of them together.
I know I am note yet ready to move on, but I do hope oneday that maybe I will meet someone else that I could maybe love.
I watched a movie the other night, I can't reminder laughing so hard since Graham died.
I hope everyone has there own monents of laughing so much their tummy hurts.
Simone
Posted on 10/03/2007 at 11:49 |
