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Topic: top 10 nicest
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sarah
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top 10 nicest
Ok I just finished the top ten thing not to say to a widow on my space.
so I thought lets do a top 10 nicest things to say.
So guys whats the nicest,most comforting things people have said to you.
Sarah
Oh if you want to view the other top ten it on
myspace.com/nathansphoenix
Posted on 01/07/2007 at 10:50 |
Linsay
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Re: top 10 nicest
Isn't it curious - the "not nicest" spring immediately to mind but the nicest will take some thinking about! Is it because lots of people say not nice things, because they are the ones that stay in your mind or because there aren't many nice ones? Not sure...
One of the nicest things anyone did was to write a letter describing how they had met Douglas, why they liked him so much and what a nice person he was - I've kept it in my memory box for my daughter, because she was only 4 when he died (almost a year ago) and it will be good for her to have other memories of her daddy than mine.
What a brilliant idea though - hope you had lots of nicest things and only ten not nicest.
Sorry to focus on the not nicest but my mother in law's was a cracker - at my parents house after the funeral "As I used to say to him, he was like his own father, a good father but a bad husband."
You'll understand why I don't speak to her anymore.
Posted on 01/07/2007 at 12:16 |
sarah
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Re: top 10 nicest
I know this ones difficult so lets open this up a bit. nicest things said or done for you.
my one is...
My neighbours came out in force to make my garden look nice. for the funeral. even people from the next street came around with lawn mowers, hedge trimmers, plants
It was really nice of them
sarah.
Posted on 01/07/2007 at 12:52 |
Rose
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Re: top 10 nicest
3 very good friends travelled miles to visit me every 6 to 8 weeks for the first year at great inconvenience to themselves.
Lots of people have invited my children and me to go on holiday with them or come and stay with them over the past four years.
Good friends have complemented me on being a good mother and coping well with a horrible situation. I know this annoys some newly bereaved people as we have no choice but as time goes on and being a single parent gets more and more wearing any compliments are very welcome in my view. Helps self esteem.
While some people would never invite me round in the evening for a meal any more as I am no longer part of a couple lots of others have included me in their social lives.
People have shared very intimate and devastating events in their own lives with me NOT because they are trying to compete with the horror of losing a partner but because by doing so they are trying to show empathy. I always feel honoured when they do that. Luckily no one has pulled the dead cat or budgie one on me yet though.......
People who didn't know that my husband killed himself wrote to say how proud he was of his children and how much he loved his family and how getting married totally transformed him.
Someone I knew put me in touch with her sister's very busy catering company and they made all the food for the funeral tea at very short notice and did it really beautifully.
The carpet cleaning man gave me an enormous hug with tears in his eyes when I explained that the marks on the carpet were made by the ambulance men taking away my husband.
My best friend's husband came up and gave me a huge hug in front of everyone in church when I suddenly broke down after someone asked me a difficult question a few weeks after it all happened.
My neighbours were incredibly discreet and didn't ask me about my husband's death even though they must strongly have suspected that it was not a natural death since the street was closed off, full of police cars and a helicopter airlifted him to hospital.
My best friend regularly asked me out to social events, to join her book group and walking group and introduced me to lots of new people.
In short I realised that although I am an introverted person who always felt I didn't have many friends I am in fact blessed with some extremely good friends and live in a community of very kind people.
The bad things would be people's reactions to suicide but I just try to ignore those now. People don't mean to be cruel (usually!) . They just don't think.
Posted on 01/07/2007 at 14:33 |
Lelsey
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Re: top 10 nicest
My family and friends travelled miles to be at the funeral ( he did away from home)
My Friend took a photo of the sun coming through the trees on the day of the funeral - to remind me the sun still shone
People bought plants, as well as flowere, so they would live on
Work said - Come back when you can, we appreciate your company but realise there are times when you won't want ours.
Some people have treated me like china - some people have treated me like nothings changed - same people they just knew which was appropriate
Friends have arranged outings so I will have things to look forward to
People here and at Martin's have shared their sorrow and joy
Sarah has started this thread and has made me sit down and be thankful
Posted on 01/07/2007 at 20:07 |
JaneR
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Re: top 10 nicest
I really want to post on this but it's not the nicest thing said, it's the nicest thing done ....
My husband used to be a chef, he had a fantastic recipe for shortbread which melted in your mouth ... the Head Chef made it especially for the Wake ... anyway, Xmas 2005, a little parcel was left at my door, it contained 3 pieces of shortbread ... Xmas 2006, same delivery - I am hopeful for Xmas 2007, although I must admit that whilst the kids scoff theirs it now brings a lump to my throat xx
The best thing has been my 2 best friends who have stuck with me through all of this. xx
Posted on 01/07/2007 at 20:34 |
Lucy G
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Re: top 10 nicest
My friend said...... If you can't do it alone, We will do it together.
My brother said..... You've seen Phenomenon with Johnny T haven't you. You know that bit at the end where he is dying and he says 'will you love me for the rest of my life' and she says 'No, I'll love you for the rest of mine'.......... Thats what you meant when you married Nick isn't it.
Posted on 01/07/2007 at 22:39 |
T
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Re: top 10 nicest
A close friend of ours said to me -
"Everyone who met him liked him, but those of us who knew him loved him"
T x
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 00:37 |
Andrew
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Re: top 10 nicest
Coming up to the 2 years anniv (5 months ago now) and around the time that i was really starting to think about getting out more and perhaps dating and i was needing a confidence boost.
A lady i'd met at New Year said i was gorgeous, nobody (not even my darling Sarah) had ever said that to me before. That gave me the confidence to, get with it!!
Sounds like a vain posting now i've written it down but it was one of the nicest things said to me, nevertheless.
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 09:40 |
Sue W
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Re: top 10 nicest
The horrid things are the easiest to remember because they are in the minority so they stand out - and because they take your breath away!
The best things people said to me revolved around what a really special person Ian was (I know we all think they are but he really, really was!) and about how much he loved me. I think the best one-liner for anyone tongue-tied to say is 'I'm so very sorry'.
And just to be negative - if anyone else tells me that I'll 'get over it' I'm going to punch them!!! I won't, I can't and I don't want to.
Sue
x
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 10:01 |
Lyndsey
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Re: top 10 nicest
My husband used to be a teaching assistant in Karate.
When he died his Sensei wrote a lovely letter with his happy memories of Dave.
He offered free lessons for my two kids as a thankyou for all Dave did to help him in the classes.
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 10:16 |
H.N.
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Re: top 10 nicest
My mother in law said "You have him a great life." She said this to me while I was still in the middle of dealing with ambulance staff, police, and other people who, now that I look back, were quite rude and treated me like a nuisance. It was the best thing I heard in the first 24 hrs.
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 12:27 |
Amy
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Re: top 10 nicest
A friend said 'I was an angel that had been sent to show M happyness and love and to take care of him' which I thought was very nice, also Friends and Family telling me how much M loves me and how specail our relationship and love was.
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 12:52 |
susiec
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Re: top 10 nicest
Robs boys had to go through losing their mum and then their dad but still found it in their hearts to thank me for making him happy again.
I will carry those words to my grave.
Love to you all
Susie
x
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 13:02 |
ellcee
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Re: top 10 nicest
A friend wrote to me
Love is about creating a life full of memories which help us cope when
those we love most are not here with us any longer. P will be in
everything you see and do. You started a journey many years ago
.... A journey you are both still on and will actually complete
together.
I thought it was so thoughtful and beautiful.
love x
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 13:06 |
Lyndsey
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Re: top 10 nicest
Oooh, thought of another,
his sister said to me "he didnt have a great childhood, then had a nightmare of a first marriage and YOU are the one who made him happy, don't ever forget that."
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 13:07 |
amanda
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Re: top 10 nicest
m best friend thanked me for making his best friend a very happy man. a lot of his friends said he was never really happy until he met me
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 16:11 |
John H
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Re: top 10 nicest
Our hospice cognitive therapist who was also treating Carol for pain meds etc wrote to me longhand -
"Just had to write to say, once again, how sorry I am. It was so amazing to have met you and Carol so many times and shared so many tears and smiles. Every so often a patient comes along who teaches and touches you far more than most. Carol will always be special to me - and I shall miss the sessions. I can make no sense of why this happened to you both. I know some of what you suffered and truly believe that you can now both find peace."
This lady made such a difference to us both. Thank you sarah for giving me the opportunity to publish these words.
John H x
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 21:27 |
Kym
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Re: top 10 nicest
The kind and fantastic people I work with. They were great when Buster was diagnosed and made him welcome at my work - He would walk in and sometimes get a lift home or sit in the staff room and chat. One even wrote in the card he sent that it was a privilege to have known Buster. And they are still kind and fantastic to me 13 months later, and still, pick me up, sit me down, give me a push, tea and sympathy etc and generally all at the right time.
Thanks Sarah you prompted me to look back though the cards, and have a little weep, but in a good way at some of the nice things that have been said.
Love Kym x
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 22:25 |
Bethan
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Re: top 10 nicest
A friend arriving with pans of warming stew for me and our sons in the weeks following Phil's death.
People knocking on the door to offer support and sympathy, actually coming in and holding me. (cards and telephone calls were good, but the physical contact meant so much more)
My Sister, who has been a rock
My brother and sister in Law, who have been incredible, they were in my house every day for varying periods of time for weeks following Phil's death, and still are here as often as possible.
The Minister who did Phil's funeral, it was a wonderful tribute to him, (he knew Phil quite well)So many people commented on his service and were so moved by it, those who had not known Phil too well have said they wished they had known him better.
My friend Pauline who introduced me to this site.
Another friend Dave, who has spent hours listening to me talk and talk and talk, and always seems to have the words that help.
The post about the Jars and the ball... your life getting bigger, this made so much sense to me.
Our sons!
My work colleagues who have supported me on my 'back to work' path above and beyond the call of duty and still are.
So many wonderful gestures and people on this journey, thank you for this post and allowing me to reflect. God Bless.
Beth
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 22:42 |
linda
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Re: top 10 nicest
Well 20 months on I have to think way back but here are the ones that spring to mind:
700 people coming to Paul's funeral and raising £10,000 so we could take our youngest son to USA for treatment for autism.
My mum who held me when I had panic attacks before the funeral and who helped me breath through them.
The rugby guys who tidied up the church which was being renovated in time for the funeral.
Friends who brought food.
Friends who cleaned my house and ironed.
Friends who looked after my boys.
My sister who planted Paul's favourite flowers where he died.
People who have told me how well I am doing.
Neighbour who said what a wonderful mum I was.
Family who have just been there for me.
Friends who kept phoning even when I didnt say much.
Sons school who looked after him.
Other sons friends who kept coming round to see him when he couldnt face school.
People on this site who listened time and time again.
Linda x
Posted on 02/07/2007 at 23:01 |
judith
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Re: top 10 nicest
It's too late to write much but I have had some incredible kindness shown towards me and my children and I only hope that I can return it one day even though it's not expected.
Posted on 03/07/2007 at 00:05 |
