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Topic: 16 wks
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Sheila
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16 wks
It is now16 wks since I lost my lovely A to cancer and feeling very, very low. By habit I get up each morning and make my way downstairs. The quiet is as they say deafening. I live in the country and together we loved the peace and quiet. He brightened my life and filled our home.
My sister came yesterday, I really didn't have the energy for a visit, but did my best. We talked about her grandchildren and visits she'd been on and other things then got onto my grief. She said she was grieving for A but also grieving for me, which made me feel very guilty. She was grieving twofold and I was grieving for one.
At the minute everything seems so hard, we have a big garden and I have been keeping that in some kind of order as we both loved that and I still do. But all the rain means I'm sitting in looking out.
Oh but this does all sound so self pitying - I do normally have a positive side - and I know at some distant point it will return - just needed a moan.
Hugs to all - I really get alot out of all the posts.
Sheila xxxx
Posted on 18/07/2008 at 10:50 |
celia
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Re: 16 wks
shelia sounds very familiar i to live far from the madding crowd in 1andquarter arces of land ed frorestry this is my childhood home and my husband fell in love with it he never wanted to move so now i've brought him home here to rest today
Posted on 18/07/2008 at 12:53 |
louise
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Re: 16 wks
Just to let you know i am thinking about you even though i dont know you i know the pain you feel. I also lost my husband to cancer but i am further down the road to you its been eighteen months. I found mornings difficult too had been in such a routine caring for him and after his death i used to get up out of bed and feel so lost and depressed but you will come out the otherside and will start to feel a little better i didnt think i could ever be happy ever again but i am. I am not saying i wouldnt be happier if he was here because obviously i would be and i still have bad days but you will laugh and be happy again just be patient and keep your chin up x
Posted on 18/07/2008 at 13:16 |
linda
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Re: 16 wks
Hi Sheila, we havent been introduced but I am Linda - I am an 'oldie' - 3 years in October since Paul was killed on his motorbike but a careless van driver.
Your post struck a cord - we too loved the garden and like you I have been determined to keep it looking as good as I can.
Its been my therapy so many times, when the grass gets long I have to cut it, its just my thing. The exercise and fresh air let me switch off from the grief for a wee while.
The quiet in the morning I remember so so well, holding onto the sink feeling so griefstricken.
But Sheila I no longer feel that way.
What I am trying so badly to say is that it does get easier and better. Time if you let it is a great healer.
You are not being self-pitying, you are doing the right thing and sharing your emotions, and that positive side will come through again, perhaps not yet, but one day it will I promise.
So moan away, its so healing.
Love and friendship
Linda x
Posted on 18/07/2008 at 17:28 |
