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Topic: I need a hug
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anon
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I need a hug
Its been a year since my wife passed away. I miss her terribly. I know this sounds a rather awfull thing to say but i really miss her kisses and cuddles and dare i say ...sex. it is driving me mad, all i seem to think about is sex.
Am i going mad ?
Sorry for posting as anon, but not sure what reaction this will get.
Posted on 28/07/2008 at 23:09 |
Becs
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Re: I need a hug
I am only at 4 1/2 months and I can emp[athise with those feelings.
You aren't going mad - we can't suddenly switch off our desire for another human beings affection just because that person is no longer there.
I can't give you any advice as to how to work through it as I am neither male nor far enough down this journey to have reached that stage, but I wanted to post to let you know that I don't think you are mad, or that there is anything abnormal about how you feel.
Goodnight
Posted on 28/07/2008 at 23:13 |
Mrs I T Evenmore
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Re: I need a hug
Yes.
What time shall we ALL come round?
Posted on 28/07/2008 at 23:14 |
becs
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Re: I need a hug
PS - I am afraid that a cyber hug ((((0))))) will have to do tonight!
Posted on 28/07/2008 at 23:15 |
Julie Mann
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Re: I need a hug
Anon, I miss my mans touch so very much, his strong arms and his gentle touch. I miss seeing his gorgeous rugby legs and cute bum and I miss his big round belly and hairy chest. His kiss was always different somehow but always passionate and boy do I miss that and as for the sex well the last time we managed that was when we conceived our little girl who I also lost days after Tony died, he never got to see what a beautiful girl had been created out of our love for each other.
I dont know how these feelings can be shut off after so long of knowing nothing else, and it was all part of your relationship, hugs, kisses, sex (if your lucky that is) why wouldnt you miss it, it was some of the ingredients for a happy marriage. Im 6 months along this rocky road and I would do anything for a bit of his loving again. I have a picture of him on my fridge where I get to see his sexy legs every day. Just because I miss the intimate things we had doesnt mean I dont cry long and hard at times, it just means I still love him.
I hope you can feel the biggest hug Im sending for you, but I know like me all you will want is your loves arms around you.
Love Julie X
Posted on 29/07/2008 at 00:12 |
Rosa
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Re: I need a hug
Dear anon,
Just wanted to assure you how normal, natural and common it is to feel this way while grieving. You can look back at a couple of threads of posts and you'll see, such as "Warning: Trvial post and "Am I normal".
But I am sure that for men that have lost their wives, as for women who have lost their husbands, you may well still be vulnerable in relation to new relationships. As you say - you are missing your wife and her kisses and cuddles - as well as the sex.
There are many posts on this site about internet dating - many positive as well as some warning ones. If you feel ready to meet a woman and don't meet women easily through your social life perhaps you could try internet dating. As long as you are honest from the start about your situation and what you want from and can give to a relationship I think that would be fine. Your wife would want you to be happy.
I wish you lots of luck
Rosa
Posted on 29/07/2008 at 00:46 |
Michelle 2.0
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Re: I need a hug
Believe it or not, there is a book titled Grief & Sexuality. I ordered it from Amazon.com. It was written by a woman widowed in her early 50's, I believe, who went on to become a pastor after her husband's death. So it does have a bit of a Christian slant. As part of her Master's thesis she sent out a survey and the book is based on the 150-or-so responses of other widow/ers. The first section talks about the relationship between spirituality and sexuality, the 2nd section is purely "sexuality" and gives what I was really looking for--a representation of at what time during their widowhood people first felt attractions for others, first dated, remarried, etc. It is broken apart by gender of respondents. As you can probably guess, men tend to move into relationships sooner than women according to her results. If you can take it for what it is, it is pretty interesting reading. And certainly is a valiant effort at tackling a topic that is all-too-often ignored altogether or glossed over, but all of us are clearly interested in!
So, Anon, I am going to be brave and tell you (next to my real name) that I am at about 11 months as well and last week I had turned into some sex-craved scoundrel my husband wouldn't have even recognized. And the dreams I was having were not about him! At first I was a little shocked but realized I think it is me being able to imagine myself moving on and trying on a new "identity" that doesn't relate to him. So in the end I think it is normal and healthy. And most importantly I know in my heart that it doesn't mean I didn't love him or have forgotten him, etc. You are certainly not going mad. Fortunately or unfortunately it will probably fade away just like any other grief-related feeling you've had that seems to come and go in waves. My dreams and such have already dissipated this week. But I'm looking forward to the next ones! When I'll get to the "acting on them" part is another story. Who knows? Would not have guessed 6 months ago this would have happened to me!
Posted on 29/07/2008 at 01:17 |
x
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Re: I need a hug
You are defo not going mad hun, im sure your feelings are quite normal.
I loe hugs and cuddles, bu tam careful who i get them from and have to make sure they are not 'misread'!
Sending a 'virtual' hug to you xxxx
Posted on 29/07/2008 at 01:25 |
JaneR
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Re: I need a hug
Hi Anon, it doesn't sound awful at all. I think if you've had a good and loving relationship with your spouse/partner then of course you are going to miss the intimacy of cuddles and yes sex! I still think it's cruel being left with a sex drive when you're widowed! Take care and try not to rush into anything, as you can see from the other responses as well, it is completely normal xx
Posted on 29/07/2008 at 10:44 |
Liz(a)
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Re: I need a hug
You certainly aren't alone in this, I've had many a feeling myself and of course it doesn't mean anything other that you are a normal human being.
It may be of interest to you to do a search for this on this site as this topic has been covered a few times and there are many interesting (and quite often very funny) replies! I have passed many an hour reading old replies and always end up feeling comforted with any questions answered.
Take care,
Liz(a)
xxx
Posted on 29/07/2008 at 20:53 |
