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Topic: Unexpected Answer's
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Marina
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Unexpected Answer's
I am at six month's now and sometimes the pain is unbearable other times I cope well. A lot of bad stuff happened in the family when he was losing his fight to live. We both had families from before his sadly had been estranged till diagnosis. We done everything we could to heal the wounds, and it seemed we had until he became to ill to deal with anything. Then I came under attack when he simply could not defend me. I did not want my love to leave this world with any conflict's so I did not seek any answers from him I was privelaged to look after him in our own home and he died in my arms in our own bed. Now sadly as my arms ache to hold him and I long to be held in his I feel so alone and unsure of our life together. On the way back from his grave today his friend who takes me every day , stopped the car handed me chocolates and said you know you are the only woman he ever loved. I had not told him of my vulnerable feelings but somehow he had the answer. I feel that my love got the answer to me and his presence around me is so much stronger. Sorry if this sounds stupid but it is so precious to me I had to write it down.Love to all Marina x
Posted on 28/07/2008 at 23:24 |
sherri
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Re: Unexpected Answer's
Marina,
First of a;ll you most certainly do not sound stupid. i go to the graveyard at least once a week and would go more if i wasn't afraid everyone would think i am more nuts than what they already do.
How blessed you are to have held him in your arms! What i wouldn't give for that priviledge! My Steve died in the icu of a hospital. I was able to hold his hand and run my ahnds down his cheeks but i wasn't able to get as close as i would have liked to. I miss him terribly. I can relate to your aching arms for mine ache too.
Please know that you are not alone. There are some wonderful people on this site who are very supportive. I really appreciate them all and hope that you find comfort and strength here too.
Hugs and God Bless,
Sherri
Posted on 28/07/2008 at 23:38 |
shog
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Re: Unexpected Answer's
hi marina,
your posting touched my heart.
I used to think that J and I never talked about his nearing death...about funeral arrnagments.....about his childrens future without him, or how I would cope. I thought that he had denied the reality of how ill he was and soon after he died I really regreted not having had these conversations with him. But like you....I ahve had answers in unexpected ways. It is acutally unbeleivable how much direction and advice and prepartion he gave me during those last weeks without me even realising ! I think on converstaions and suddenly a snippet will come into focus and I suddenly see beyond the obvious words,and how he was actually gentley telling me how to carry on without him, what to do with his ashes, where to live....!!!These "unexpected answers "come shining though now and again and convestaions we had make sence in a whole new way, and bring me comfort.
I am glad your love feels nearer to you tonight......I am sure he is :)
Posted on 28/07/2008 at 23:48 |
Denise J.
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Re: Unexpected Answer's
Marina
I was touched by what your friend said. It must be very precious to you and give you a sense of peace. It certainly doesn't sound stupid.
My husband died very suddenly 5 3/4 months ago and was in the icu and although I was able to hold his hand he was deeply unconscious. Like Sherri I would have given anything to have held him in my arms before he lost consciousness. I miss him so much.
Denise
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Posted on 28/07/2008 at 23:56 |
jamili
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Re: Unexpected Answer's
Marina
I can relate to your experience of being unsure of your life with him because of the drama that followed your loved one's passing. He cannot defend you but the only thing that you have is the fond memories and happy times that you had with him and no one can take that away from you.
When my dear Jayce passed on some of his siblings questioned our relationship. I knew what we had but I was able to let it distract me. This week I got a text message from his sister asking about a certificate that he had a copy made for me. I remember thinking it was so sweet when he showed it to me and I folded it and left in his car. I told his sister where to find the document and she sent a text to say thanks because she had found the certificate.
I was so happy feeling it was him saying nobody knew me better than you because I chose to share my life with you.
Your experience is not stupid at all. I guess we all need and appreciate the answers when they show up.
Posted on 29/07/2008 at 00:36 |
Marina
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Re: Unexpected Answer's
Thank you Sherri, shog, and Denise for your replies, I feel great comfort from them I know we are all on a desperate journey but the human spirit I think can endure so much more when we realise we are not alone Hugs to all
Marinax
Posted on 29/07/2008 at 00:42 |
Marina
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Re: Unexpected Answer's
And thanks to you too Jamili your words are a much appreciated
Posted on 29/07/2008 at 00:45 |
