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Topic: A ray of light
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Janet
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A ray of light
In 4 weeks it will be 1 year since my R died in a car accident and I just wanted to share how far I have come since that horrendous day.
A few weeks after he died I went to a BBQ with a few friends. I felt very removed and although I smiled and chatted it was like the world was moving round me and I was looking in from outside. All the time there was the voice in my head repeating 'he's dead' over and over again.
Well, on Sunday I went to the same friends with the same people. I sat there drinking Pimms and suddenley realised how different I felt to last year. I was laughing and joking and felt part of the group. No longer removed and the voice in my head is now silent for most of the time. It was quite a revelation, that I have come so far without realising it.
I know those of you early on in this hellish rollercoaster may not believe me, but it will get easier. For me, the screaming, plunging descents are now shorter, with more exciting climbs in between.
Sending all you merry widow/ers good thoughts tonight.
Take care
Jx
Posted on 30/07/2008 at 00:05 |
tbd
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Re: A ray of light
This could not have come at a better time for me. A small bit of hope. Finding it really hard and going through yet another low the last week. Tonight I just thought I would have a quick look before going to bed and here is your lovely message of hope. Thank you - I will try and believe.
Posted on 30/07/2008 at 00:44 |
Fiona
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Re: A ray of light
thank you so much for this. I totally feel now like you described you felt a year ago. I need to hear things like this.x
Posted on 30/07/2008 at 00:45 |
Lynda
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Re: A ray of light
Thank you Janet.
It is often a lifeline to hear that others are experiencing the same pain as I am feeling, but YOUR message has given me such hope and strength tonight. I shall revisit your posting whenever I am feeling down and pathetic.
It would be so good to hear more similar postings from those of you who are beginning to walk out of this darkness.
With love and thanks.
Posted on 30/07/2008 at 01:14 |
Celia P
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Re: A ray of light
Good for you, Janet! I've just got back from 2 days away through work, an opportunity that this time last year I would have been totally incapable of taking, going right out of my comfort zone and meeting people who don't know me or what I've experienced. I'm at 22 months now and my confidence is coming back in spades. The way you describe the feeling of detachment is so accurate. It still comes and goes but is mostly fading.
All you people out there who feel that they will never re-join the human race, take heart! It's possible, and it definately will happen. The oldies are out here holding your hand.
Love
Celia P
Posted on 30/07/2008 at 06:02 |
Rosa
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Re: A ray of light
Thank you Janet and Celia
Posted on 30/07/2008 at 08:30 |
sophia
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Re: A ray of light
Lovely, thank you Janet.
A good reminder, Lynda. I am 16 months in and I am much better than a year ago. The worst of the grief pain has subsided and I want to assure others that it will for you too. I was anxious that year 2 would be worse than year 1, but for me, year 2 is a definite improvement. I do get anxiety wobblies in my tummy and I do get very tired (see my post about going out this sat) but I am able to do alot more. Also my children are much improved. My fifteeen year old (she was 13 when her father died) is doing voluntary work at a holiday club this week and she has had enormous praise from the organisers - she has developed a wonderful empathy with younger children. One year ago I was in despair over her because her agony was so enormous and I could not cope with it. So, please, those of you with children, you will see things getting better.
Posted on 30/07/2008 at 10:38 |
Janet
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Re: A ray of light
Sophia
I'm so glad you have said that it is getting better for your children. Mine are getting worse if anything, especially my 9 year old. She is starting to let the grief out now and it breaks my heart to see her hurt so much. However I know that I am much more able to help her now than I would have been earlier.
I have read that children can start to grieve properly later than adults and that seems to be happening with my girls. It is so reassuring to read that your daughter is doing so well - good for her helping at the holiday club.
Take care
Jx
Posted on 30/07/2008 at 11:40 |
